Have you ever heard of the Tale of Two Wolves? This Native American legend, often attributed to the Cherokee tribe, tells the story of a young child approaching an elder to ask about the two voices in his mind, one negative and one positive. The elder tells the young child that each of us has two wolves (one encouraging, compassionate, and loving, and the other disparaging, hurtful, and mean) battling in our minds. The boy asks, “Which wolf wins,” to which the elder says, “Whichever one you feed.”
While your initial thoughts are automatic, your response thought is where the true power lives. You can continue to suffer, deepen your pain, and remain stuck in negativity, or you can choose compassion, kindness, and hope. It is vital to point out how toxic positivity and the “just will yourself to be happy” culture is not only unrealistic but harmful. “Feeding” the positive wolf includes embracing difficult emotions, engaging with them curiously, and grounding yourself in the next best behavioral choice.
Optimism and pessimism are not just about our views of the future, but rather a way to conceptualize and organize our response to challenges in the present. When a mistake is made, one has the choice to see that failure as pervasive, permanent, and/or personalized (that’s one wolf) or localized, temporary, and non-personal (that’s the other wolf).
Which wolf do you most often feed?
Which of these common cognitive traps do you most often fall into?
Pervasiveness- Everything stinks
Permanence- It will stink forever
Personalized- I stink