If you’ve ever told a tantruming toddler to “calm down,” you know how far bad advice gets you. I’ve heard that bad advice is a lot like glitter — it’s everywhere and impossible to get rid of. The truth is, most people give advice because they’re trying to help, hoping to feel helpful, or just looking to connect. It’s rarely malicious — just a little misguided. Here are a few of the worst pieces of advice performers hear, why they don’t actually help, and how we can do better.
1. Just pretend it didn’t happen.
The brain and body don’t just forget painful experiences — they’re wired to remember them so we don’t repeat them. That’s why “just pretending it didn’t happen” rarely works. Instead, acknowledge the experience, notice how it made you feel, and recognize what you’re thinking about it. Then, refocus on what you can control — your mental and physical response.
2. Be fearless.
Fear isn’t the enemy. In fact, it can be adaptive — a sign that you care, and it can even act as a performance enhancer. Plus, no one is truly fearless. A better goal is to accept fear and act courageously anyway: move forward with the fear, instead of waiting for it to disappear.
3. You must be calm to play your best.
If sportscasters talking about “ice in their veins” have misled you, it’s not your fault. We tend to equate heroic performances with being calm — but that’s not reality. The best in any field often feel just as nervous or scared as the rest of us. The difference is they accept those feelings, focus on what they can control, and move forward bravely.
4. Stop thinking.
Telling someone to stop thinking is like standing on train tracks with your arms out, hoping to halt an oncoming locomotive. The brain is wired to scan, process, and think constantly — trying to stop it is both impossible and unnecessary. A better approach is to become aware of your thoughts, nonjudgmentally, and let them pass freely. It’s like stepping off the tracks, noticing the train go by, and then refocusing on something you can control.
5. Stay Positive at all times.
Another impossibility. Because performers care, they’re bound to feel frustration, sadness, or disappointment when things don’t go as planned. Instead of forcing fake positivity, acknowledge these emotions, consider where they come from, and, to the best of your ability, refocus on the next task.
6. Confidence is knowing you will be successful.
This is a set-up. No one knows or believes they will always be successful—there’s simply too much that is outside of your control. Additionally, that suggests that you will naturally and consistently perform well based on your confidence.l The best baseball players are only successful at the plate three out of ten times. True confidence is believing in your skills and trusting that you’ll be okay if it doesn’t go perfectly. It’s resilience, not certainty, that makes performers confident.
So, I’ll leave you with one piece of unquestioned, undefeated advice: Don’t have glitter in your house. Trust me — your future self will thank you.